I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
