the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A bitchslap is in order.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
