We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
