My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
