He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
