he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
