oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
