Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Pooping to opera.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
