when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
