why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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