you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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