Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize