I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my poor anus
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
