addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize