Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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