If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
