Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
