There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
