You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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