I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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