Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
