my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
