Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
