Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
