she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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