i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
