Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize