True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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