I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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