last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize