why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And then he peed in my hair
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