i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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