I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize