nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
