Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
