Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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