Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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