Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You took a bar mat shot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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