FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My dick has a subreddit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
