Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
