i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
