Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
