he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
