Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
