I skipped work to stalk him.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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