Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
