I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
