I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
