yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
