If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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