i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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