Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
