dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize