Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
