If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
