So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
