I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Every concussion has its silver lining
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
