Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
