literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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