I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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