Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
