And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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