JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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