New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
