peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize