Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
