Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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