what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
