He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
