wanna go halves on a baby?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
