I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need moral support for this bender
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize