When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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