my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
