Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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