in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
foreskin is a definite game changer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
