I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
