It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
