Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
