no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
