I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
