I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
