Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
