i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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