My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
