I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if only i could text you this smell
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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