Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
