Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
