New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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