dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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