Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
