we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize