I have demons in me.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
