i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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