We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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