She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
