lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
