i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
