I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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